Krystlel is, like, the Met Bar or The Movida of Dublin. They’re, like, the coolest bars in London. I know because they’re, like, always mentioned in Now magazine and Heat magazine and people like Chantelle Houghton and that super-cute blonde girl with the big lips from Big Brother are like ALWAYS seen there so it’s, like, reaaaallllly the place to, like, go. You might not find Jordan or Jodie Marsh/Harsh there (whatever! I’m so over those bimbos, they are, like, soooooo stupid. Imagine going out with a cage fighter, like Jordan is? That’s, like, so inconvenient. They must look ridiculous in restaurants with him sitting in that big cage, like, d’uh.) Anyway, you will find loads of wannabes with fatter asses, muffin tops and smaller chests but they never get into the VIP section so don’t worry about those skanks - if you’re like me you’ll just head straight for the VVVIP section with a bottle of pink shampain and dance the night away (except for the two weeks after my nose job when the bruising was, like, HORRENDOUS and I had to get Daddy to close the club for a night so just me and the gang could go in private). Anyway, I wouldn’t be seen DEAD near those trashy girls and it’s really easy to get them kicked out just tell the bouncers that your Daddy is Sean from Anglo and they’ll, like, totally get rid of the skobies for you. You know you can actually catch stupidity just from being near them? I swear.
So, like, Cristil screams exclusivity… well… maybe not screams, that’s a bit common, but it probably, like, really sexily … whispers it.
The drinks are alcoholic and expensive – just how I like them, the glitter is everywhere…and I mean everywhere, the décor is sooooo elegant; just think lots of pink, silver and animal print… very subtle and stylish… Tamara’s Russian Step-Mom actually did the design and we got to ‘consult’ on it so it’s bound to be stunningly sophisticated. All in all, it’s one of the best places to spend a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday night.
Last time I was there I had, like, the BEST time, I ended up getting it on with this really hot guy from tv, I think he said he worked for City Channel or something like that, presenting the late night quiz show. He was so hot and really talented. His name escapes me now – Telwin? Jefferson? Something like that anyway - but he took my number and I’m sure he’s going to call any day now and that it was just an accident that I ended up locked out of his house after we…er…you know… but ... anyway… it was a brilliant night… and I’m sure I got that nasty little infection from one of the bleached blonde Northsider skanks who brushed past me in the club and not him… I think.
My friends said I looked amazing in my new hot pink outfit; I had these Jimmy Shoe high high high heels, the sexiest shiny belt ever and… a cute handbag… the belt did leave red marks on my chest but everyone said wearing a belt for a dress was, like, really ‘retro’ which is, like, a compliment, isn’t it?
Anyway, Cristill is, like the coolest club so I think you should definitely go there, if you’re like from Dublin 4 and like, you know… rich and stuff… but, like, if you wear the same dress as me…I’ll call Daddy and have you dealt with.
Have fun!
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